Gripes and Grins

Gripe: Revisiting Home Depot and Thomasville Cabinets

Two nights ago, I received a great update to an older post from a reader, Janet Jacobs.  I wanted to share the explanation for the mixup in cabinet skus in Janet's own words below.  Thanks for the note Janet.  And, thanks to everyone that have commented and shared similar experiences on 5Gum and Comcast services  - if you send me emails, I'll repost. 

"...Same thing happened to me, but I was fortunate in that I had known one of the managers for many years and she actually found out what the real problem was...the factory changed the color formula for that finish. I only ordered and returned twice, though, before that revelation. Same cabinet you had, i'm sure. I took the door of one of the cabinets in the right color and had them scan in under the color match machine in the paint dept., then had them mix it in a stain color. Worked perfectly, though there were a few more steps. One solution anyway. Janet."

 

Gripe: Home Depot and Thomasville Cabinets

This past weekend was my anniversary.  In the middle of the celebration, we recieved a call from Home Depot's East Palo Alto store location indicating that a replacement cabinet facing had been delivered and we needed to pick it up.  The cabinet is from Thomasville.  We went into the store on our anniversary, and came back without our cabinet facing, for the 4th time. 

Here's the backstory. In June, my wife moved our baby chicks out of the children's bathroom and put them in her office space, attaching one of those heating lamps to the counter above the cabinets in her built-in desk.  The heating lamp clamp failed, the lamp fell down against the cabinets and started a small house-fire.  Not so much a fire as a cherry-wood BBQ that was easy to extinguish. 

Since early June, we've been trying to replace the cabinets.  The cabinets were purchased at a HomeDepot Expo store, and since those are no longer around, we've been working through the folks at HomeDepot in Palo Alto, the only place Thomasville is sold.  The people working the cabinetry section of the HomeDepot in East Palo Alto are a special kind of unhelpful.  The especially rude kind. 

My wife has ordered and returned the cabinets 4 times.  The problem has been that the floor samples were mislabeled, which we were assured they were not.  Every time we ordererd using the floor sample as the guide, the pieces that came in were natural finish cherry not the reddish-stained cherry "light finish" that matched our cabinets.  Each time, my wife insisted that the floor samples didn't match the cabinets, and each time, we were told there was no return policy and that we were wrong.  We simply refused to sign for the merchandise and take it home. 

These things happen -- sales and merchandising reps mislable things, but the sales folks at Home Depot should get a clue and cross-check every once in awhile. 

Here's the kicker, and the center of my gripe: EACH time that we talked with the sales folks, they told us that if we simply took home the merchandise, they cabinets would grow darker over time.  Even funnier, they gave us a "tip", that if we left hte cabinet facing out in the lawn, THE SUN would make our cabinet darker.  That has got to be the most idiotic thing I've ever been told in a sales process. WTF!

FACT: The sun bleaches everything, including wood.  The sun makes our skin darker because melatonin reacts to the sun and scarres, creating a "tan", to help guard against further sun damage.  Other than skin, anything left in the sun gets "whitened".  Everything. 

Just today, a Thomasville employee called my wife to get more info and convince her that she was wrong, and the agent repeated this ridiculous line about the sun.  No doubt, this is a line of BS that gets handed down from manufacturer to the channel marketing/sales managers to the in-store personnel at Home Depot.  Be aware of this nonsense if you're DIY or die. 

BTW, my wife finally performed the cross-check on the cabinet finish, and the folks at Thomasville now know that they have incorrect labels on the floor samples at the East Palo Alto Home Depot.  You can use this as post as a time stamp if you are caught in related cabinet monkey business.

Gripe: GenX is sick of your bullshit

I've been suffering blog fatigue.  Mostly because Grockit has been so damn much fun and so intense for the last 9 months.  But, with our recent funding event and recent momentum, I was ripe for a "Gripe", and today I'm sharing a fellow Griper's Gripe from Tumbr -- Generation X doesn't want to hear it, which also ran under the title "GenX is sick of your bullshit" in Gizmodo.  That's right.  Gizmodo.  You probably won't read this post or Gizmodo if you're 20 anything or 50 something.  

To summarize the entry, Mat Honan has crafted a timeless rant on mainstream media and generational perspectives that stacks up to "F@!k the South" and other blogging milestones of the last decade. He basically reminds the world that the mainstream media is about as tapped into reality as it's readers.  Which is to say, not so much.  And, he subtly notes that the media basically chases demographic bubbles and completely ignores the marginal demos, because, we are by defintion, outside of the mainstream and, to generalize, more difficult to aggregate for ad dollars and (to the point of the blog), long suffering in the personal economics sense. 

 The last paragraphs are pitch perfect -- I can say this here, because no boomer or GenY reader will read this post beyond the 3rd paragraph.  Like Honan's post, this blog is for readers with attention spans.  It makes no appeal to adrenal glands or prurient interests, nor does it doggedly reinforce positive self-image.  It's what my mother-in-law calls cynical because she confuses that word with sarcastic.

I finished Honan's quick read and immediately relived a last year full of ridiculous personal interactions with the idiot-generation immediately north of my age demo.  Honan's post tapped into that odd surrealistic feeling I get after any interactions outside of my generational bubble. 

There are times, mostly around the Holidays, when I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.  That's not snarky, that's tragic.  For Xers, life can take on absurdist warpings, wherein the outlandishly unaware and narcisistic temporarily inhabit your time and space to remind you of your own humanity through egregious displays of self-unawareness. Like an entire house full of Zaphod Beeblebrox. 

For example, a particularly douchy boomer chastised me last Christmas for not subscribing to physical newspapers, again.  It was like the third time I heard this, and because my wife had denied my very specific request for permission to break his jaw (it's really a very easy thing for me to do because I look like a clean-shaven yetti), I decided to quietly enlighten this snarky little fucker with a few app installs.  And, so, I grabbed his fucking precious new iphone to install InstaPaper, NYTimes and other assorted news sources only to discover the asshole didn't even have an iTunes account set up?! Yeah, I know you need a minute -- either you're an Xer crying or giggling, or you're only casually following and not yet seizing on the ridiculousness of it all. Go back to the top of the paragraph and read it once more.

Why do these specific interactions make me want to laugh and lash out at the same time?  As this instance happened, I poured some wine and said nothing, told no one, stealing knowing glances with my children, quietly shaking my head.  Until just now.  That whole episode just fell out of my suppressed memory bank just now.

Sadly, that kind of stuff makes me miss my Grandparents.  I miss the way that my Grandpa used to just sit and stare at his kids like they were a bunch of dipshits, and steal knowing glances with his grandkids.  All except his oldest Son, whom I'm pretty sure he treated just like his brother.  My wife's grandfather did that too.  He was an admiral in the Navy.  He wasn't an idiot, nor was he an asshole.   He even gave me a knowing wink and a nod one time -- as near as I could tell, he had similar instincts about boomers. 

Now that I think about it, I can remember a lot of older folks grinding their teeth and whincing at their boomer children.  I bet they passed around flasks and had a lot of inside jokes.  I'm sure they'd have blogs if the technology was there 20 years ago. 

Someday the human race will discover that irony and self-awareness are linked to a specific gene that skips generations.  A recessive gene no doubt.  Maybe they'll name it after Alanis Morisette.  Finish that last line for me.

Gripe: MacApp Store Issue Solved by Install Disc

Since my last post, I received two helpful and responsive email solitications from the iTunes Support team.  I generally rate the iTunes support team as good.  I'm still not sure why iTunes Support is interfacing with customers that have MacApp Store fail issues.  The important point is that these folks were helpful and willing to try anything I suggested, such as resetting my logins and logging in to replicate my experiences. 

The end result is that I was assured that creating a new and different appleID (not my current appleID associated with iTunes) would fix this issue.  I'll never know if that "solution" would work because I chose to simply by the iWork install disk a week ago and move on with my life. 

So there you have it: Digital Right Management objective acheived with a less-than-awesome customer experience.  

So, does this moment signal the end of Apple exceptionalism?  For me, yes, for others, I'm sure some would say that this minor friction should be easy for me to overlook.  I had that attitude for many other instances of less-than-good Apple design over the last four years, so I understand it.  Bu, others (and I know them) stopped worshing at the alter of Apple around iTunes 4.0, which was widely adopted, but a much-maligned U-ex. 

For me, the bottom line is that Apple still makes my phone, pcs, and, extensibly, controls the way I consume, buy and share digital media.  But, recently, my switching costs for Apple products stopped including "product affinity".  And, that's a dangerous spot when you're operating a massive business predicated on premium-priced products and existing customer affinity. 

Gripe: MacApp Store (updated)

First, the disclaimers.  I know a few people at Apple, and I actually know some folks that work on the store.  Second, my overall support and usability expectations are higher for Apple products, which I fully acknowledge.  Third, Apple enjoys a brand reputation for a better overall experience, so they deserve this kind of heated gripe. 

Apple, you're slipping. I know you're stock is soaring and your operating capital is nice. I don't even mind that the initial iPod wasn't your idea or design. But, I've always appreciated that your products and services just work. Except when they don't.

I don't get the Mac App store App.  I'm installing an app to buy an app.  That's me inserting a hurdle between me and the store.  It just feels like a dumb DRM move.  Really, Apple? What's worse, it's not working. 

The Mac App store help page has 5 entries in the troubleshooting, my issue is one of them.  Here's what they have to say about my symptoms:

"If nothing happens after clicking Buy when purchasing an app

Select the Purchases view at the top of the Mac App Store window. Look for your purchased app. If it is listed under Purchases and says Installed next to it, check your Dock or Applications folder for the app. If the app's listing under Purchases says Install next to it, click the Install button. The app will then be downloaded and installed into the Applications folder. You will not be charged again for the app.

If the app is not listed under Purchases, your previous attempt to buy was not completed and you were not charged for the app. Navigate to where you tried to purchase the app earlier and click the Buy button for the app. This will charge your account for the app. If you delete the app and wish to to reinstall it later, you can use the Purchases view to reinstall it without being charged again."

So five minutes ago, I submitted this help ticket.  It wasn't really a request for help, more of a taunt with several veigns of criticism, mostly about their physical operations as well. I'll keep everyone up to date on the resolution. 

I have a brand new macbook pro and I downloaded the app store app and signed into the store with my existing apple ID, which I use for iTunes and my other, older Macbook Pro.  I'm trying to buy a lot of sotware for this new mac, without going to a physical store.  But, when I go to buy, I get through the buy flow, confirm the purchase intent and then I don't get anything -- no DL dialogue, and my account status shows that I have zero purchased software.

 Seriously, this is really pissing me off.  Getting to an Apple store is a real pain-in-the-ass because your physical stores are located where there is absolutely no parking (Downtown Palo Alto, Union Square SF?!) or the store is a renovated closet with asinine store hours for people that want to work  (Stanford shopping mall, open at 10am?!).  The options for me right now is order online and wait 24 hours for an empty box or submit this ticket and wait 24 hours.  Awesome.

 

Updated Feb 11 4:17PM PDST

Response and my second efforts below. Now this is going to get interesting.

Hi Tina,
I have no idea what you're talking about in this email.  Per my ticket info, I'm having trouble buying Keynote for my Mac via the Mac App Store.  The only thing that is related to iTunes is my Apple ID.  What do I have to do to buy and download software from the Mac App Store?

Sincerely,
Aaron Burcell

PS -- I'm blogging this experience in an effort to help others, because this experience is pretty darn sucky.

----- Original Message ----
From: "macappstore_english_us_support@apple.com" <macappstore_english_us_support@apple.com>
To: xxxxx@yahoo.com (edited for posting)
Sent: Fri, February 11, 2011 3:21:32 PM
Subject: Re: Mac App Store Account and Billing; Follow-up: 138883781

Dear Aaron,

Tina here from the iTunes Store. I hope you are having a wonderful day so far. I see from your email that you have some of your purchases that you have recently made, not showing up in your download queue for you to download and add to your account. Being an iTunes Store customer myself, I can understand your eagerness to get this resolved. Please be assured I am happy to help you in any way I can.

Aaron, I have added the three orders on your account that you have recently purchased back to your account for you.

Please follow these steps to download the items:

1) Make sure you're using the latest version of iTunes. It can be downloaded free of charge from the iTunes website:
 
http://www.itunes.com/download

Note: Installing the latest version of iTunes will not affect your library or any items in your account that you haven't downloaded.

2) Open iTunes. From the Store menu at the top, choose Check for Available Downloads. You can also click this link to do the same thing:

https://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZFinance.woa/wa/checkForPurchases

3) Enter your account name and password, then click the Check button.

The items should begin downloading and appear in your Purchased playlist. If you receive an error message while downloading, try again after turning off any firewall or web-accelerator software that you may have installed. If the download process is interrupted for any reason, it should resume once you reopen iTunes.

This article provides information about resuming interrupted downloads:
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1725

If you don't see the items in your iTunes Library, please include this information in your response to this email:

- The name of your Internet service provider (ISP)
- The type of Internet connection (such as dial-up, cable modem, or DSL)
- Any troubleshooting steps you may have taken
- Any error messages you may have received

I would like to make sure that your iTunes experience is the best it can be. If you have any further questions regarding this issue Aaron, please reply to this email and I will be delighted to assist you. Have a great day!

Sincerely,

Tina
iTunes Store Customer Support


Please note: In the week of February 6th to February 12th, I work Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday 12:30 PM to 9 PM. I also work Tuesday and Thursday 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM. I have Monday and Saturday off.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to assist you. You may receive an AppleCare survey email; any feedback you provide would be greatly  appreciated.

Customer First Name : Aaron
Customer Last Name : Burcell
email : xxxxx (edited for post)
Web Order # :
Support Subject : Mac App Store Account and Billing
Sub Issue : undefined
Comments : See additional info below
OS version: Mac OS X 10.6.6
Country: US
Apple ID: edited for posting
Specific request: This app didn't function as expected
Item title: Keynote
Details: I have a brand new macbook pro and I downloaded the app store app and signed into the store with my existing apple ID, which I use for iTunes and my other, older Macbook Pro.  I'm trying to buy a lot of sotware for this new mac, without going to a physical store.  But, when I go to buy, I get through the buy flow, confirm the purchase intent and then I don't get anything -- no DL dialogue, and my account status shows that I have zero purchased software.

Seriously, this is really pissing me off.  Getting to an Apple store is a real pain-in-the-ass because your physical stores are located where there is absolutely no parking (Downtown Palo Alto, Union Square SF?!) or the store is a renovated closet with asinine store hours for people that want to work  (Stanford shopping mall, open at 10am?!).  The options for me right now is order online and wait 24 hours for an empty box or submit this ticket and wait 24 hours.  Awesome.

TrackID: 13512158

Gripes: To media vampires, leave Edward Cullen alone

American women love skinny English actor nonces.  This is a well-known fact, and I've not the time or inclination to argue such facts with the extra-chromosomal-types that would ignore the long-standing tradition of week-in-the-knees reactions to pretty, sometimes androgynous English actors and singers, from the hundreds-of-millions of American female gentry.  The media love these actors because women are the driving force of consumption in our economy.  It's not complicated.

The average American male age 30-and-older is completely numb to the persistent media attention given to any shaggy, diminutive Brit that manages to hold Hollywood's attention for any length of time.  For the most part, we feel not threatened, and the nauseating effects subside after a time -- sorta like motion sickness or learning to chew smokeless tobacco.  Below 30, the American male is generally miffed at attention given such girlish figures, and completely out of sorts thinking that relative machismo is of little value in sexual conquest.  Like I said above, it's not complicated.

But, in my line of work, I have to read what the media is manufacturing, usually a few days in advance.  I subscribe to a number of safe interfaces (newsletters, RSS feeds, wikis, etc.) wherein writers, producers and editors are "seeking sources" that will validate their minor points in pop-culture "trend" pieces for mainstream publications and broadcast programs.  And, for guys in my line of work, we've seen poor Edward Cullen exploited to no end.

The travesty of Edward Cullen is that the character and the actor Robert Pattinson produce a never-ending series of angles from which to develop absolutely ridiculous stories leveraging sex.  Here are two entries from today's well known HARO (Help A Reporter Out).

Summary: Has Edward Cullen wrecked your love life?

Querey: A 50-year-old woman recently wrote to an advice columnist that
she was depressed because she wanted to be loved like Edward
loved Bella in the Twilight series. Women of all ages are
enthralled with Edward Cullen, but how many women are in therapy
because of it – or should be? Is Twilight creating more
unrealistic expectations than usual in women? I am researching
the real effect that this fictional vampire love story is having
on adult women longing for the perfect relationship.

If that didn't make you want to puke, read this.

Title: Moms obsessed with Twilight and other teen or tween programming or stars

Query: For a story on mothers obsessed with teen stars or movies or tv
shows aimed at teens or tweens, I'm looking for: mothers (and
their kids) to interview. Massachusetts moms only, please. I'm
also looking for nationwide experts to talk about why adult women
find teen shows or stars interesting.

Here's the problem as I see it.  Because my job requires that I determine what is appropriate for SmartyCard tweens, I've screened the romantic episodes of much of the Twilight series before making them available as rewards.  Granted, I know I'm not the appropriate audience, but Twilight is absolute drek and really not that imaginative.  Just like the media stories supporting the Twilight phenomenon.  In an age where twenty-somethings are forcing ad-supported media and brand marketers into honest seductions and "authenticity", Twilight and poor Edward Cullen have bucked the trend to become the most un-apologetically exploited literary character since Holden Caulfield (how is that for irony, ya fonies!?). 

Seriously, we're going to look back on these dreadful pop-media Cullen pieces and make comparisons to embarrassing late-century-micro-trends in media and marketing, like Acid-Wash denim fashions, the launch of new Coke, the inexplicable popularity of Air Supply, or "The Superbowl Shuffle". 

The media and publicity vamps are draining Edward Cullen of whatever literal value he once possessed.  Not that I give a shit, but the waning moments are almost too nauseating to witness.  I wish someone would make it stop.

Gripe: 5 Gum hurts

The gripes on this blog are carefully selected. I take brand criticism very seriously because my career is about marketing and managing products and business lines intended for mass market consumption. I don't throw out critiques carelessly.  Consider that when you read my thoughts on the new "power gum" products.

Years ago, I worked at Nabisco, one of the biggest companies in the candies and gums space.  I know a thing or two about gum, and gum development.  I was working at Nabisco when "IceBreaker", the original power gum was launched.  IceBreaker was meant to be far and away the most powerful tasting and smelling gum around.  But, by today's standards, the gum is child's play.  Over the last two years, I'm personally experiencing some of the downside risk of power gums.

A quick search of gum-related injuries turned up tons of complaints about "Big Red" gum.  These symptoms and problems aren't limited to Big Red though.  Twice in the last 18 months, I've given "5 Gum" a try, and for my patronage I experienced one of the most painful injuries of my life.  I remind you, as a former collegiate and professional athlete, I've broken dozens of bones, torn cartilage and ligaments multiple times.  I recently broke a tooth in half -- the sores from 5 gum were much worse. 

Here's what happens.  I chewed a piece of 5 Gum during a workout in early March -- I chewed it for about an hour.  My tongue was going numb after the workout.  I couldn't taste anything for about a week.  I was totally bummed, because I knew what was coming next.  Painful red sores showed up on the edge of my tongue and after several weeks, the sores receded and my taste-buds peeled over another week.  For the last four weeks, taste is slowing returning to me.  But some tastes are still altered.  

How did I know what would follow the sores?  Because the same thing happened to me just over a year ago.  5 Gum was the common denominator.  I chew gum frequently -- usually after drinking coffee.  I've been chewing milder gums from Starbucks, Juicy Fruit and others.  I figured the flavoring of 5 Gum was the root cause of the first instance, because I felt no side effects from other gums for over a year.  But, after trying the new 5 Gum flavors this March, I know that it is something about 5 Gum ingredients that is causing this issue. 

IMHO, 5 Gum has a problem: There's no warnings on the labels, no disclosures about the potential for burning or sores or adverse reactions to flavorings or ingredients, which prompts the question -- what does Wrigley know about this gum?  Do press and media know what's going on with 5 Gum, Big Red and other powerfully-flavored gums? If this flavoring is doing this to my tongue, what are the other harmful side effects.  This looks like huge potential for an ugly set of disclosures and law suits somewhere in the future.

Summary: Something is wrong with 5 gums, and based on what I'm reading in online forums, other gums are having similar issues.   I don't know exactly what it is, but the exaggerated colors and flavors should be our warning.